Basketball preview issue

Yes, you read correctly. I have an issue with basketball previews. All sports season previews actually. They are all wrong. If the experts were expert then they would all forecast the same outcome. They aren't, they don't. That would be boring. Oh sure, a very small percentage can pick the eventual champ, but so can a similar percentage of homeless Hungarian children throwing darts at the team logos painted on a donkey. In fact I bet that if you let me write 30 NBA previews I could predict the eventual champ. Just hold of reading any of them until after the year, then I'll show you the "real" one that I was going to publish, honest. Being a sports fan, I still read the previews, of course. Boring and wrong as they are.

So why not throw out the usual forecast, and predict something a little different. Like how many times is Rasheed Wallace going to be ejected this year, or how many times is Jason Kidd going to questioned by the police, or how many times is Jay Williams going to be confused with Jason Williams. And how do you say this name: YAKHOUBA DIAWARA. Oh, wait... thats not a forecast, thats a blind guess. Eh, same thing.

I can't go that deep, because I really don't follow basketball that closely. The closest team to me geographically is the Warriors, explaining why I don't follow basketball that closely I suppose. I did read a preview of the Warriors but I thought I'd gotten the archives instead. Don Nelson? That was YEARS ago. But I checked the date, its a current article. I better check the roster, maybe his son is on the team now. Nope. Not unless Don adopted Zarko Cabarkapa. I only know five of the names on the whole roster. Maybe six. Isn't that Pietrus guy the one who was supposed to be a big deal last year? Maybe he was supposed to be, but it doesn't look like he was after all, cause I don't know him. So I only know five guys on my "home town" team. Is this player turnover and new talent? A rich draft class? Or lack of familiarity because I don't actually pay much attention to basketball (did I mention that yet?).

For laughs, I started checking the rosters of the other teams to find all the ex-Warriors, or guys I knew of from anywhere. I started with the Atlanta Hawks. I found Zaza Pachulia. I never heard of him, but what a cool name. I'd heard of only like five of their guys, too. And I suspect that three of them I'd heard of because of college stuff, and the other two have odd names (Speedy Claxton and Tyronn Lue)that might have helped me remember them. I have heard of Joe Johnson, too, but not the basketball player, unless he is also the singer. Or was that Joe Jackson? Okay, I'm not going to count names that are that common unless I'm positive I know the PLAYER by that name.

On to the Boston Celtics...or not, I hate Boston teams. On to the Charlotte Bobcats? Charlotte has a team? When did that happen? But looking at their roster I see... Primoz Brezec? Is it mandatory that each team have a completely unpronounceable name on the roster just to challenge the arena announcers? Beyond Primoz, I find four names I recognize.

To be fair, I'm taking credit if I can name the college a guy went to. Or his position. Or his ethnicity. Because otherwise, I might look like I don't know anything about basketball at all, when I actually know "little" about basketball.

On to the next team, the Chicago Bulls. I know these guys, I'm sure. I think they were the champs last year. Or a few years ago, or something like that. Anyway they cornered the market on the names. They have Martynas Andriuskevicius, Luol Deng, Viktor Khryapa, and Thabo Sefolosha. Heck, throw in Andres Nocioni, too. I've heard of five other guys, and their coach, too.

Now, this is getting boring, so you can find the rest of the odd names yourself (that is what we were doing, right?). My eyes are scrambled from all those consonants anyway. And my spell checker just went up in flames. But I've made my point. I don't really know all that many names on the rosters. Maybe the starters, but not much more. So I either need to pay more attention, or forget about writing any good basketball posts this year.

Being no expert, I still feel adequately qualified to lay at your feet, my very own NBA preview edition post:

Western Conference - The Lakers will implode again due to the negative gravitational pull of Kobe Bryant. The Suns look good. A lot of experts pick them. So they will not win it all. Dallas is like the A's of basketball. Always in the playoffs, always look strong, never make it to the end. The Hornets have that New Orleans mojo, need better players. Denver, Portland, Sacramento, Houston, Minnesota, Utah. No. Memphis, Seattle? Not a chance in heck. The Warriors suck way too bad. San Antonio? Maybe. But aren't they getting kind of old? 10 guys born in the 70's? That leaves... Yes, the Clippers. Your Western Conference Champs. Book it, go to Vegas, bet the farm.

Eastern Conference - Umm, short version? Heat? Too many people think so, and repeats are out of style these days. Indiana? Dallas of the East. Its gotta be the New Jersey Nets. Really. Unless they have the injury woes. Land gently Vince.

Feel free to hate my preview. I'm sure its worng, too. I just hope it wasn't boring. And now the finale...

The NBA champs this year just can't be the Clippers. The world is not ready for that yet. Not so soon after the Red Sox. Go Nets!

Update: Rasheed - 1 game, 1 ejection. This might be too easy a prediction. There needs to be a new rule that a player can be ejected more than once per game or else everyone will guess 82.